NEW GRANDPARENTS (This Changes Everything.)
Part 1: How We React.
Like a spectacular Sunrise, becoming a New Grandparent is the beginning of a new day, a new chapter in your life, and an entirely new role in your family.
I clearly remember that my experience was that of a brand-new kind of Love all wrapped up in Joy and Awe. What I find remarkable is that this repeats itself with each new grandchild. Then again, with each Great Grandchild, and now with my first Great-Great Grandchild. This is the kind of miracle that never gets old. One wise Grandparent was heard to say, “There will never be a day like the day your Grandchild was born.” Oh, Happy Days!
Perfect Love sometimes does not come until that first Grandchild.
Your Journey
Your Journey doesn’t begin at birth. You don’t have to like what I am about to say, but I would consider it and check it out before you cross any bridges you can’t get back over. As is true in many families, a lot of water has already passed over the dam before this blessed event. First, we must raise our children, and the parents of our new in-laws must raise their children. Even in the best cases, this cannot be done without a few bruises to the egos of all involved. Now, that is an understatement, if ever there was one.
Regardless of how well or poorly that phase of life went, it is time to change gears. This juncture requires a total reset. Some of these resets will be harder than others, but the outcome of your Grandparenting experience depends on your tuning into this reset. If you keep doing what you have always done, you will keep getting what you already have. This blessed event calls for a new level of doing things. Remember the New Day idea.
These two are young people who are on the eve of becoming parents. They are as insecure about this monumental leap in life experience as most of us are. They are full of Hope and Fear while craving approval, as we all did. I don't know about you, but I wasn't an "I've-got-this" kind of guy. When they put my own squirming, crying, absolutely perfect little baby boy in my arms, those arms were trembling but also sensing what a miracle this was. This changes everything in the parent-child relationship. That is true for the parents of this new baby and these grown children about to become parents. This evolution of roles is necessary and inevitable. You raised them to be responsible, and now it is time to let go of the bicycle seat and watch them go and grow.
I likened becoming a Grandparent for the first time to setting the Thanksgiving table for the arrival of the extended family. I remember that it was important that the napkins be folded just so the glasses would be spotless and the seating arrangement would be just right. However, I didn't need to understand the whys and wherefores; I only needed to do it the way Mom asked me to.
I was involved because it was my family, but I wasn't the one calling the shots. It is exactly that way when a couple are having their first and subsequent children of their own. They are the parents of these new human beings, and while we are part of the family, we are NOT calling the shots.
Thanks, NEIL