The Squishy Stuff: Spoiling & Gift Giving
Every now and then, a topic comes up that feels… well, squishy. It’s not black and white, and it might step on a few toes—but I’d be doing you, and myself, a disservice if I tiptoed around it.
Today, I’m tackling two of the squishiest parts of grandparenting: Spoiling Grandkids and Gift Giving. These subjects aren’t easy because there’s no one-size-fits-all answer. What I offer here isn’t a rulebook. Think of it more as Food for Thoughtfulness—a little nudge to reflect on the kind of grandparent you want to be and the legacy you hope to leave.
Let’s Talk About Spoiling
I love checking in with my children about how their kids—my grandkids—are doing. Not just for updates, but to make sure I’m aligned with their parenting goals and routines. If you have open communication with your adult children, you probably already know how valuable that is. But it’s still worth stating: our influence as grandparents can be powerful, and sometimes even a bit disruptive if we’re not mindful.
There’s a lot of talk out there about grandparents “breaking the rules” or “bending the boundaries” for fun. You’ve probably seen those decorative plaques or memes that say something like:
“What happens at Grandma’s stays at Grandma’s!”
Funny? Maybe. Harmless? Not always.
Call me old-fashioned, but I believe our job isn’t to undo parenting—it’s to support it. Yes, I hand out the occasional cookie or a scoop of ice cream, but never at the expense of what the parents have set in place. When our words or actions imply that rules don’t matter here, we risk confusing those little minds who look up to us with so much trust.
Just something to consider.
Now, About Gifts...
Gift giving comes up a lot in grandparenting books, blogs, and conversations. It often starts innocently—an adorable onesie here, a new toy there—but it can quickly snowball. Before you know it, Grandma’s house has turned into a toy store… and your grandchild starts associating you with stuff instead of presence.
Worse yet, gift giving can sometimes feel like an unspoken competition between grandparents. Let’s be honest: a 3-month-old doesn’t need (or remember) a mountain of blinking plastic toys. When in doubt? Ask the parents. They often know exactly what’s needed—and what’s not.
Here’s a gentle word of caution: When giving becomes excessive, it can shape your grandchild’s expectations. You might find yourself being greeted not with an enthusiastic “Grandma!” but instead with, “What did you bring me?”
That’s not the memory I want to create—and I’m guessing it’s not yours either.
A Loving Reminder
There’s no perfect formula for grandparenting, and I’d never pretend there is. But if we want to build lasting, loving connections with our grandkids—and support our adult children in the process—it helps to pause and consider.
Spoiling and gift giving are part of the joy, no doubt. But with intention and thoughtfulness, they can be tools for connection rather than confusion.
Let’s Keep the Conversation Going
What are your thoughts on the “squishy stuff”? Have you found a good balance when it comes to spoiling or giving gifts? I’d love to hear your perspective!
💬 Share your thoughts in the comments below, and let’s learn from one another.
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Because the grandparenting journey is always better when we walk it together.