Co-Parenting with Adult Children
Co-Parenting with Adult Children Comes with Navigating Different Parenting Styles and Respecting Boundaries
Parenting doesn’t stop when your children become parents themselves. In fact, for many grandparents, a new chapter of family life begins when the next generation arrives. While it can be deeply rewarding to witness your adult children raising their own kids, it can also bring unexpected challenges—especially when your parenting philosophies differ or when boundaries are not clearly understood or respected.
Here’s how to co-parent effectively without overstepping, while still offering love, wisdom, and support.
You may find yourself biting your tongue when you see things done differently—whether it’s sleep training, screen time limits, or dietary rules. Unless the child is in danger, it’s usually best to offer support rather than correction. If your adult child is confident in their parenting, your respect for their choices will deepen trust and keep the lines of communication open.
Ask yourself: Is this about safety, or is this about preference?
It’s tempting to jump in and “fix” situations, especially if you feel your experience gives you insight. But often, what young parents need most is encouragement, not correction. Offer to help in practical, supportive ways—cooking meals, running errands, playing with the kids—without taking control of parenting decisions.
Instead of saying, “You should do it this way,” try, “Would you like a suggestion?”
At the heart of it all is shared love for your grandchildren. Despite any differences in style or strategy, you and your adult children likely want the same things: happy, healthy, well-loved kids. Focus on this common purpose, and let it be the bridge over any disagreements.
As a parent, you once made the rules. Now, your adult child does. This shift can be difficult—especially if you feel strongly about certain values or approaches—but recognizing that your role has changed is the first step toward healthy boundaries. Your adult child is the primary caregiver and decision-maker. Your role is now more of a supporter, guide (when asked), and loving presence.
Healthy co-parenting with adult children begins with honest conversations. Ask what support they’d like from you and where they’d prefer space. For example:
“Do you want me to offer advice when I see something?”
“How can I help during visits or babysitting?”
“Are there things you’d prefer I not do or say around the kids?”
Respecting these boundaries demonstrates emotional maturity—and it builds a more harmonious family dynamic.
Just as your adult children are growing into their role as parents, you are growing into your role as a grandparent. Mistakes, missteps, and misunderstandings are inevitable. What matters is how you respond. Be open to feedback. Apologize if needed. Demonstrate the same grace you hope your children show their own kids.
Final Thought:
Co-parenting with adult children isn’t about regaining control—it’s about learning to be present in a new way. Your wisdom, patience, and love are powerful gifts. By respecting boundaries, honoring different parenting styles, and supporting rather than steering, you help create a peaceful, nurturing environment for the whole family.