What Their Parents Want You To Know: The Key to Going From Good to Great
By Neil Taft
Every grandparent I have ever met loves their grandchildren. That part is never in question.
What separates good grandparents from great ones is something most grandparenting books never address directly: the relationship with the parents.
Not the relationship with the grandchildren. The relationship with the people raising them.
This is the insight at the center of my upcoming book, The Bridge To Your Grandchildren: What Their Parents Want You To Know. And it grew out of a moment that changed the direction of my work entirely.
The Moment That Started It All
Earlier this year I said something on The Rebel Rootz Show that reached 1.9 million people on TikTok. I said that the biggest mistake grandparents make is forgetting to take care of their grandchildren’s mother.
The response confirmed what I had long believed but rarely heard said plainly: the most important relationship in grandparenting isn’t between grandparent and grandchild. It’s between grandparent and parent.
Tend that relationship well, and the door to your grandchildren stays open for a lifetime. Neglect it, and no amount of love for your grandchildren will keep it from closing.
The Framework: Both/And, Not Either/Or
Most family conflict lives in an Either/Or world. Either I’m right or you’re right. Either my way or your way.
What great grandparents understand – and what great families are built on – is a Both/And approach.
Both grandparents and parents matter. Both love and respect are required. Both the wisdom of experience and the realities of modern parenting must be honored.
This is not about surrendering your perspective. It is about recognizing that the family landscape has changed, and that the grandparent who adapts is the one who stays close. The one who digs in is the one who eventually gets left out.
What Parents Actually Need From You
Here is the practical framework that the book builds on – and that you can start applying today.
With the parents: Ask what supports their parenting priorities. Keep your agreements, especially the small ones. Nothing builds trust faster than consistency in the quiet moments. And when Mom is doing something well, say so out loud – sometimes in front of the kids. Public affirmation is one of the most underused tools in a grandparent’s toolkit.
With your grandchildren: Ask them to teach you something they love. Enter their world before you invite them into yours. And as they grow, shift your approach with them – from picture books to projects, from playgrounds to real conversations, from phone calls to texts. The grandparent who adapts is the one who stays close.
When you miss the mark: Name the impact, not your intention. “I can see that landed wrong. I’m sorry” goes further than any explanation of what you meant. Ask, “What would feel supportive next time?” Then do it.
The Electronic Hug
One of the most practical habits I have developed over the years is what I call an Electronic Hug – a short, consistent message that says three things without saying them directly: I see you. I’m for you. I’m here.
Keep it short – one to three sentences. Make it warm, not intrusive. Don’t attach a request. Aim for weekly consistency.
Here is a text exchange with my oldest grandson Zak, now 37, that shows what this kind of sustained investment actually produces:
“I’m not sure I’ve ever officially thanked you for all the great times we’ve had. But genuinely, they meant more than you’ll ever know. I didn’t have a lot of great memories with anyone as a kid. Pretty much all of those came from you. Best of all, I learned from you how to pass that same gift down to other kids.”
That is what going from good to great actually looks like. Not a grand gesture. A consistent, quiet investment over decades. A relationship built one Electronic Hug at a time.
What’s Coming
The Bridge To Your Grandchildren: What Their Parents Want You To Know is built for grandparents who are ready to make the leap – from showing up, to being trusted; from loving their grandchildren, to being the grandparent those grandchildren carry with them for the rest of their lives.
More details coming soon. In the meantime, explore more expert guidance on building stronger bonds at goodtogreatgrandparenting.com.