To derive the most from this Journey, your results will depend on your vision of who you are and how great you would like to be as a Grandparent. The potential for creating more Love and Connection with your Grands is vast and unbounded. I encourage you to take stock of your values and hopes for your family. We communicate better when standing on clear values, boundaries, and realities. The clearer these are to you, the better your chance of affecting the outcome you dream about. It may be more difficult in some families, but your odds are greatly enhanced if you see the possibilities and stay the course.
Values
You will share your values with your Grandkids, like passing the baton in a relay race.
Your core values will be evident because children closely watch your every move. During my Youth Ministry days, I attended a couple of self-esteem seminars presented by Jack Canfield. One of the things I took away from that was identifying and acting on our Core Values. It took a lot of work, but once I zeroed in on mine, they have served me well even these many years later. I keep mine at the top of my mind, which has helped me in countless ways. Especially in clearly communicating what I am willing to do and not ready to do.
An example of this was presented in a podcast that made a lot of sense to me. The speaker stated that when he visited his now-remarried daughter’s family, he operated on the adage, “When in Rome, do as the Romans do.” On Sunday mornings, Grandma and Grandpa attended church, which the family attended, even though it was a different denomination than theirs. When the Grandkids came to their home, they all attended Grandma and Grandpa’s Church.
This simple solution conveyed a strong family unity message to the Grandchildren. The added benefit is that all have their horizons broadened; this solution communicates clear values and prevents conflict. This idea is unifying and brilliant. A wise man once said, “Why not both /and instead of either or?”
BOUNDARIES
Having boundaries and clearly communicating them is one of the fundamental building blocks of a long and mutually beneficial relationship. It helps us all keep it on the road when it comes to doing all we can but not getting bowled over by someone else’s inattention to our feelings.
I hear countless stories from Grandparents about parents who overuse and sometimes abuse things like babysitting. Some parents just assume that Grandma has nothing better to do. This line gets squishy all too often. Boundaries are the best weapon against insidious forces of resentment.
In some families, more clarity around finances is needed. Other frequent occurrences of pushing boundaries come around how we celebrate holidays as a family. The list can be long, but it is up to you as the Grandparent to decide and then clarify your boundaries.
Most kind and gentle people have trouble with boundaries. Most families don’t like to talk about these kinds of things. That is understandable. You don’t need to become someone you are not, but it will serve all for you to decide on some boundaries and communicate them to all concerned. This sometimes tricky area is the source of resentment that fester and grow.
REALITIES
This is an extended family, and sometimes it takes work to navigate. With the 50% plus divorce rate, this will likely touch half of you reading this. In one family I read about, there are 12 living Grandparents. WOW! Can you imagine Thanksgiving dinner?
If people know the realities, then doors to clear communication are opened. Your approach to extended family life must be done with eyes wide open. It doesn’t make it impossible, but it presents a few challenges. Understanding the realities helps to prevent a build-up of petty jealousy and resentment.
Enjoy the Journey.